We spent the rest of the week traveling back and forth to Cincy to complete prechemo testing. These tests will be performed throughout to monitor the impact, if any, the chemo is having on the heart, kidney function, and hearing. We’re all set for our admittal on Monday.
In addition, they conducted 2 scans yesterday that identified several other tumors. One on the left femur,several in lymph nodes around the large abdominal mass and several at the base of the spine. It doesn’t change anything for the doctors. The staging and treatment all stays the same, but it changes things for me. To continue to hear there is more and more cancer in your child’s body feels like a blow every time. They just care that it has spread to the bone. But I care about every bone in her body. I grieve every time I hear a new one has been invaded.
Cancer. We so often wonder why. Wonder how. And all of that wondering takes me no where. It doesn’t make it go away or bring me any peace. The only thing that brings me peace right now is crying out these words to the Lord:
“O Come, O Come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israelle.”
I sing them every day as our reality seems unbearable and every night as I lay in bed with her wishing it would all go away. And I will continue to sing it. Through my tears and anger too.