September 2012

Pretty soon I started getting used to being in the hospital all the time. It wasn’t too bad except for throwing up so much. The doctor said since I couldn’t eat anything I needed to start getting a special milk. It was gonna go in a tube right into my belly so I wouldn’t throw it up. I didn’t really care or know why everyone was making such a big deal about the tube so I said that was okay. But when a bunch of nurses came in and they said it was time, I got real scared.

Mommy held my hand and rubbed my fingers while two of the nurses held me down. They squeezed my arms and legs real tight and pressed me down on the bed. Then another nurse slid the tube up my nose and down my throat until it got into my belly. I was screaming and choking and pretty soon I started throwing up. They got upset because the tube came back up so they had to do it all over again. Mommy asked them to give me a break since I was so upset but they didn’t listen. I kicked my legs as hard as I could and started yelling. That time they got it down my throat pretty far but then I started throwing up again. It wasn’t my fault, I couldn’t make the throw up stop. Then mommy pushed the nurse out of the way and yelled at her and we both cried. She got down to the bed with me then and we snuggled. She just kept saying that she was sorry and she wished she could take it all away. I just cried and cried.

They finally got the tube down but I threw it up almost every day and every time they would have to hold me down and put it back down my throat. I kept thinking I would be stronger than the nurses one time but I never was. They always got the tube down and I always ended up throwing it back up. So one time a nurse told mommy about a tube that went straight into your belly, it didn’t go down your throat at all. Mommy said she wanted me to have one like but the nurse said kids who just got cancer at first couldn’t have one. The doctors didn’t do it like that. Mommy just laughed and then told me that’s what we were gonna do. When the nurse left she told me she was gonna get me one of those kinds. I don’t know what she did but the next day she told me she talked to our doctor and he was going to let me have a tube right in my belly.

When we had done enough chemos to make the rock in my tummy smaller they said it was time to do surgery again and take it out. That day when I woke up my tummy hurt again but I was real glad when I saw the tube coming out of it. When I saw it I knew I wouldn’t have to have those nurses hold me down anymore and do the nose tube. I started crying. A little bit because my tummy hurt but a little bit because I was so excited about the tube.