We ended up spending Thanksgiving in the hospital that year too. Carter and Daddy always came on the weekends but for Thanksgiving we had other family come too. They had a big dinner down the hall for all the families that couldn't go home for Thanskgiving. Everyone ate Turkey and Mashed Potatoes on paper plates. …
Fall 2012
I found out my rocks had a name. They're called cancer which is a special kind of sickness. You could only get better from cancer by doing medicines called treatments, like the chemo I get all the time. Everyone would get nervous when they talked about the treatments. It sounded like no one really knew …
Summer 2012
I’m four now. I turned it just before summer again. Mommy and daddy had a real fun birthday for me this year. I got to ride in a real princess carriage! They said it was a big celebration of my life because of the rock that came out at Christmas. I didn’t really understand why …
December 2011
It’s Christmas morning and everyone is crying. They don’t want me to know so I try not to look. They are crying about the rock the doctor found in my tummy. Mommy said they can take the rock out and everything will be okay. Then my tummy won’t hurt. She said I will be sleeping …
Saying Goodbye To Boo Blanky
Carter's first treasure was his beloved Blue Blanket. He took it everywhere and affectionately referred to it as, "Boo Blanky". The term was such a staple in our home that by the time Izzy could speak she called her own purple blanket "Boo Blanky," assuming that's what blankets you loved and cherished were called. She …
Beautiful Contradiction
When I heard the cat scratching on my bedroom door this morning, I stirred. She continued to scratch and I slowly climbed out of bed and let her in. It wasn't until my walk back to bed that I remembered: everything fell a part this week. Within seconds, fear and panic, anxiety and horror washed …
That Which Is Above
The question I get asked perhaps more than any other is, "How is Izzy doing?." I have learned to smile gently and respond with simplicity, "Really well, thank you." Often times people take the question further, "So she's going to be okay, right?" At this point in the conversation I clear my throat and disassociate. …
The Valley
Finally it feels like Fall. My favorite part has been the evenings, as the sun goes down, the sky grows a tiny bit pink and the cool air comes. It is then that I notice the changing of the leaves, notice the many that have made their way to the ground from their homes in …
Empty Chairs
There are some places that embody an almost tangible sadness. Places where the atmosphere is saturated in heaviness. Where it feels like every day is a rainy day with no sign of the clouds clearing. One of these places is a Pediatric Oncology Unit. From the inpatient floor to the clinic for labs and chemo, …
The Journey Continues
Most of you know by now that on July 19th we learned of Izzy's third relapse. The days since then have blurred together, one day seeming to begin before the day prior even ends. I have drifted through these past few weeks on the wings of distraction and emotional distance before finally crashing to a …
